Families Change Kids Guide to Separation & Divorce

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Parenting

Jeremy: When your parents live together, both of them have to take care of you. But when your parents separate, this might change.

After your parents separate, you might live with just one parent. This may be called custody or primary careWhen only one parent takes care of the kids, and makes decisions about their lives. Usually, the kids live with the parent who has custody. It means that just one parent will take care of you every day.

If one parent has custody, the other parent usually has access visits or parenting timeThe time kids spend with the parent they don’t live with. This is also called parenting time. This means that you get to spend time with the other parent.

There are lots of different ways you can spend time with that parent.

After your parents separate, you might live with both parents in two different homes. This is called shared custodyWhen both parents help to make decisions about their kids’ lives. Both parents take care of you and both parents help make decisions about things in your life.

When your parents separate, they might be able to agree on who has custodyWhen only one parent takes care of the kids, and makes decisions about their lives. Usually, the kids live with the parent who has custody and how the other parent can have accessThe time kids spend with the parent they don’t live with. This is also called parenting time to you. But if they can’t agree, even with the help of a mediatorA person who does mediation, and helps people agree about things, they have to go to courtA place where a judge makes decisions.

The judgeA person who knows a lot about the law, makes decisions for people, and is in charge of a court will make decisions about parenting. To make the decision, the judge will think about things like this:

  • What will give you the fewest changes to deal with?
  • Are both of your parents healthy and responsible?
  • What are your parents’ plans for themselves and for you?
  • How close do you feel to each of your parents?
  • Do family and friends live near your parents?